We all want to be happy. But we sometimes think of happiness as a thing that happens to us — something we have no control over. It's easy to link the idea of happiness with the situation we're in. We might tell ourselves, "If only things were different, then I'd be happy."
But that's not really how happiness works. Research shows that just a small portion of happiness (only about 10%) depends on a person's situation. So where does most of our happiness come from?

Born Happy?

Part of happiness depends on personality. Some people have a naturally happy nature. We all know people who are cheerful and optimistic most of the time. Their upbeat personalities make it easier for them to be happy.
So what does that mean for people who are born with a personality that's on the grumpy side? They might see the faults in people and situations instead of the good. Their mood might be glum more often than it's cheerful. But if they'd like to be happier (and who wouldn't?), it is possible to get there.

Happiness Is Up to Us

Researchers have found that more than half of happiness depends on things that are actually under our control. That's really good news because it means everyone can be happier.
A big part of how happy we are depends on our mindset, the habits we practice, and the way we live each day. By learning the key ingredients of happiness, we can use them to become happier.

Why Happiness Matters

Happiness is more than a good feeling or a yellow smiley face. It's the feeling of truly enjoying your life, and the desire to make the very best of it. Happiness is the "secret sauce" that can help us be and do our best.
Here's what researchers found when they studied happy people:

• Happy people are more successful.
• Happy people are better at reaching goals.
• Happy people are healthier.
• Happy people live longer.
• Happy people have better relationships.
• Happy people learn better.

Ingredients for a Happy Life

Happiness is so important in our lives that it has it's own field of research called positive psychology. Experts in this field have found that there are key things that make people happier:

Positive Emotions

Joy. Gratitude. Love. Amazement. Delight. Playfulness. Humor. Inspiration. Compassion. Hope. Creativity. Interest. Excitement. Enjoyment. Calm. We all like to have these positive feelings.
Besides feeling good, positive emotions do good things for our brains and bodies. They lower stress hormones, help ease anxiety and depression, and improve our immune system.
Feeling some positive emotions every day has a big effect on our happiness and well-being. That's why it's so important to do things that give us positive feelings. Even simple actions like playing with a child or a pet or going for a walk outdoors can inspire these feelings.
Knowing how to manage our negative emotions is also key to happiness. Difficult emotions are a fact of life. But the way we handle them makes all the difference.

Strengths and Interests

The things we're good at, and like to do, are our strengths. We all have strengths, even if we haven't discovered them yet.
Strengths include:

• the things we're interested in — for example, music, art, science, building things, cooking, reading
• any skills we have — like painting, playing an instrument, or playing a sport
• our good qualities — such as kindness, humor, or leadership

Happiness increases when we discover a strength and practice it. The more we practice a strength, the better we get until we really master it.
When we get really good at doing something we enjoy, we can get lost in it. That's called flow. Experiencing flow helps boost happiness. Finding daily ways to use our strengths is a key ingredient for a happy life.

Good Relationships

The people in our lives matter. Good relationships are one of the best ways to enjoy happiness, health, and well-being.
Developing certain emotional skills can help us form and keep good relationships. When we are there for the people in our lives — and when they're there for us — we are more resilient, resourceful, and successful.
Here are some of the skills that help us build good relationships:

• learning how to understand and express our emotions
• using empathy to understand how someone else feels
• using kindness
• showing gratitude
• developing assertiveness to say what we want and need

Finding Meaning and Purpose in Life

Our lives can be busy with day-to-day activities and responsibilities. Many of us multi-task, so we might race ahead, thinking about the next place we need to be. But slowing down to pay attention to what we're doing and why builds happiness.
Pay attention to the effects of your actions. Notice the ways (big or small) that you make a difference. Live life based on the values that are important to you. Take time to think of what really matters to you (like helping others or protecting the planet).
In what way do you want to make the world a better place? Notice any small daily actions that point you in that direction. They help give your life a sense of meaning and increase happiness.

Achievement

When our lives are rich with positive emotions, great relationships, strengths to practice, and a sense of purpose, we are ready to accomplish things.
Setting and achieving goals gives us something to put our energy into. It lets us see how we make a difference.
Put effort into things that matter to you. Do your best at whatever you try, without a need to be perfect. If things don't work out at first, keep an optimistic mindset and try again. Believe in yourself and your dreams.
Set realistic goals and small action steps to turn dreams into realities. To make a success even sweeter, celebrate it with people you care about.

Get Happier

OK, so you can learn how to be happier by managing your mindset, calming your mind, becoming more confident, using your strengths, building your self-esteem, doing things you enjoy, and creating good relationships. That's a lot of things to think about! You can't tackle them all at once. But you can start small and pick one thing to work on.
The best way to reach any goal is to begin with small, specific actions. After doing these for a while, they become habits — things that fit into your day without you thinking about them too much. That's when you move on to build a new daily habit. Achieving small, specific goals can add up to big happiness!

 

1. Take the long way home.

Sometimes it takes a literal change in perspective to change your mental perspective. During a week when my car was in the shop, I decided to walk home instead of catching the bus.
It was raining outside, and the walk was at least seven miles, but I had nowhere to be. Some of the roads I took were roads I’d never taken before and some I’d driven many times. All of them were new to me that day.
When I first moved to Denver, I walked everywhere, and everything was magical because it was new and special and offered up so much possibility. After being here for three years, the novelty had worn off and it was familiar—and the magic and possibility I felt at twenty-four seemed to have worn off with it.
This walk brought me back the basics and opened my heart back up to the magic. I didn’t have to move to a new place, a place that would also inevitably become home and lose its magic if I let it. I just had to change my perspective.
When we get bored or restless, we don’t necessarily have to move on. By taking the long way home, I fell back in love with my town, and by changing my physical perspective, I was able to see all of the possibilities that had been there all along.

2. Move.

I highly encourage movement to be a part of your daily life. Like anyone else, I can and will find excuses not to get outdoors or to yoga, but when I do, I feel recharged, centered, and empowered. Movement does this faster and better than anything else I’ve found.
There’s a funny saying that if you stand on your head for a few minutes every day, you’ll change your perspective. I think this goes movement, too. When you shift your focus through movement, you start to see things a little differently, and the possibilities open up again.

3. Surround yourself with the right people.

There’s nothing wrong with relating to people or venting every now and again, but it’s also important to surround yourself with people and conversations that leverage enthusiasm, excitement, and satisfaction. Spend time with people who build you up, see and encourage your strengths, and who are, themselves, living authentically.
Energy is contagious, and if you’re around positive energy and speaking with others in terms of positivity, you’ll begin to restructure your thinking, and, ultimately, the way you see and experience the world around you.

4. Be present.

I know, I know—this one’s been said before. But it can’t be said enough. One of the main reasons people feel dissatisfaction with their life is because they’re missing it.
When we’re not present, we become a little numb.
Taking in this very moment as it is, truly engaging—rather than living in your head, thinking about what comes next, or brooding (or pining) over what has past—can really open up a realm of appreciation and keep you from feeling that sense of emptiness that results from living somewhere other than the here and now.
You may even be surprised by how easy it is to learn new things or remember pieces of information when you start to fully tune in.

5. Identify your values.

I had to identify human connection as one of my top values before I realized there was nothing wrong with me just because I couldn’t work in isolation. Once I recognized what was vital to my emotional well-being, I could pursue a life that ensured my values were a part of my daily world.
What are your values? We often admire others and think we should be doing what they are doing to be successful and satisfied with our lives. In actuality, we probably admire them because they are living out their own truth. Authenticity is attractive, not quality X, Y or Z.
Look within—not to others—to find your values; once you do, figure out how they can be put into action so you are living your most authentic life, and start taking steps, large or small, to make them your reality.

6. Serve others.

Ever notice how a little time in your head can help clarify things, while too much time just makes everything murkier? Get out of there, already!
I hate to say it, but we (and I include myself in this statement) are a bit of a self-absorbed society. When we’re always thinking about me, myself and I, we become quickly dissatisfied. Maybe it’s too much time spent with unproductive thoughts or a lack of connectedness, but this self-absorption can quickly bring us down.
The surest way to stop thinking about yourself is to start thinking about someone else. When you do something for someone else—out of love, compassion or connectedness—not obligation, you might find you’ve forgotten your troubles, and life actually feels fuller, more meaningful.
I believe we are all connected and thus all have our own roles to play in which we contribute to the collective good. When we connect to that role, we simultaneously connect to our purpose and to each other, filling up that hollowness we can get when we’re not feeling so in love with our life.
Falling back in love with your life requires a little determination and reflection, but mostly it’s about letting go and just tuning in—to your most authentic self and to the world and people around you.

 

1.     Recognize that life is a journey, not a destination. This saying is a cliché, but it’s also true: life is as much about how you get where you’re going as where you go. Living your life to the fullest is a process that will take you your whole life to develop. Don’t get frustrated if it takes you awhile to learn some things, or if you experience setbacks. This is a natural part of life. 

 

2.     Be honest with yourself and others. Dishonesty saps away energy and happiness. When we aren’t honest with ourselves, we hold ourselves back from learning and growth. When we aren’t honest with others, we damage trust and intimacy.^[1]

• We may be dishonest for a variety of reasons. Research has shown that sometimes we lie because we’re jealous and want to hurt others.^[2] Sometimes, we lie because we’re afraid we will be hurt if we reveal the truth, or we’re afraid of a confrontation.^[3] It can be hard to be honest, especially with yourself, but doing so will help you live a fuller, richer life.

3.      Learn to accept yourself. All too often, we spend a lot of time looking at what we don’t like about ourselves, what we’d like to change, what we think should be different. Spending all your time focused on what you don’t like or what happened in your past means that you aren’t able to focus on your future. Make a conscious decision to learn to love yourself, just as you are.^[4]

• Make a list of your strengths. What are you good at? These can be lofty achievements, such as inventing a new technology, or “everyday” skills, such as being friendly to others. Paying attention to what your strengths are can help you continue to develop them without focusing on yourself as a “failure." 

4.     Determine your values. Your core values are the beliefs that shape who you are and how you life your life. They may be spiritual beliefs or simply deeply-held beliefs that are important to you.^[5] Reflecting on your values will help you set goals for yourself that are “value-congruent,” meaning in line with your values.^[6] You are more likely to feel fulfilled and happy when you’re living in accordance with your values.

• Stand up for what you believe in and don’t let others push you around. It's possible to do this and still be open to other people's ideas, as they may surprise you.

5.     Challenge negative self-talk. Sometimes, society confounds self-criticism with helping yourself improve. However, much research shows that the more hostile and critical you are of yourself, the more likely you are to be the same way toward others. Negative self-talk and self-criticism don’t help you become a better person or achieve your goals.^[7] Try self-kindness and self-compassion instead.

• For example, if you find yourself consistently telling yourself what is wrong with you or what you don’t like about yourself, be purposeful and challenge those thoughts with positive ones. Replace thoughts like “I’m such a loser” with “That situation didn’t go exactly the way I’d planned. I’ll go back to the drawing board and think of another way to approach it.”
• Try to think logically about your self-criticisms. Criticizing ourselves can be all too easy. The next time you notice yourself being harsh, try to find a rational response to that criticism. For example, if you found yourself thinking “I’m so dumb, I don’t know anything in this class and everyone’s smarter than I am,” examine that thought logically. Is everyone really smarter than you, or are some individuals just more prepared for the material than others? Is your performance in the class related to your intellect (not likely) or is it because you may not have the preparation you needed to excel? Are you studying effectively? Would you benefit from a tutor? Breaking things down in this logical manner can help you figure out steps to take to help yourself improve without writing yourself off.

 

As entrepreneurs we believe in our ability to build the future more than anyone else possibly could. In our mind there is never any doubt that what we are creating is needed by the world. That's why we will risk our fortunes, homes, even our relationships to achieve our goals. I've been there, done that, many times.

And along with the success it brings I've also visited the dark side of entrepreneurship; that point where a venture is on the precarious precipice of failure. When you're standing there, looking at the abyss ahead, it's pretty hard to adopt a rational perspective and make a well-informed decision; but there are a few questions to ask yourself that might alter your perspective just enough to help you decide on the next step.
1. Ask yourself if you are giving up on or transforming your vision?

My first business was a software company with an app that converted complex code from one programming language to another. It was an absolute masterpiece. However, clients still wanted us to manually convert their code. It made no sense. Our app converted code perfectly and only cost $10,000. Manual conversion added at least another $100,000.

We soon realized that the real money wasn't in the software but the services. "Giving up" on that software app was the inception of Delphi; a rocket ship we rode for nearly 20 years.

    What may seem like giving up may be your greatest opportunity to change direction and find the real mother load.

It's easy to get lost in your original vision, but few original visions are what ultimately propel a startup into orbit. They are usually more like the blasting caps that ignite the dynamite. What may seem like giving up may be your greatest opportunity to change direction and find the real mother load.
2. Is the box you're in the one you want to be in?

I hate the phrase "getting outside of the box." Every business is inside a box measured by profitability, customer satisfaction, growth, and value. Rather than just get out of the box, how about making sure you're in the right one to begin with. Look carefully at what you've built. What parts of it make sense, what parts don't? It's often the case that there is still a great business if you can just focus on the parts that work. Reengineer and amplify those pieces that do work and cut lose the rest. That's not giving up; it's evolving--and it's often that easy.
3. What about your team?

It may be your call but you've also got a team that is invested in this dream. What are their attitudes and ambitions? Where do they see the value? Where are their hearts and minds? You may be ready to give up but you might be surprised by the staying power of your team. Have a transparent conversation about options. In my experience I've found that trust is earned most in situations where the hardest decisions need to be made and people are given a voice in helping to make them.
4. How long is your runway?

Be honest with yourself about how much runway (read, cash flow) you have and use it wisely to plan your next steps. A business can be reborn out of its ashes but only if it doesn't screw employees, creditors and partners in the process. One friend who shuttered his business went on to immediately start another that he sold in just five years. By not burning bridges he made sure that his network of partners and suppliers was ready to sign on for a new ride.
5. Are you afraid of the business failing or of yourself failing?

How much of your ego is wrapped up in the business? Is your fear that you will go down with the ship? You will not. The two are separate entities. I know that's hard to accept when you've worked so hard to build it, and although you may be bruised you will survive, you will go on. The legality of closing down a business does not extend to your experience, knowledge, and competency.

Lastly, I'll offer up one piece of advice that a very wise person once gave me: "It may get worse, but it will also get better." When we are in a moment of crisis perspective is a hard, if at all possible, thing to achieve. Surround yourself with people who still believe in you, even if you have temporarily lost the ability to believe in yourself. You are an entrepreneur, you're a fighter, you will come back, you will find new opportunities; your ambition is not gone it's just taken a detour.

Picking yourself back up is the stuff you're made of, and the sooner you make the decision to dust off the past the sooner you can build the future.

“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.” –Martin Luther King Jr.
History is full of stories about people who came into hard times, lost hope, and gave up. We rarely come to learn what would have happened with these individuals if they had given up. We are left to wonder what great successes these people might have achieved if they had chosen to hold on to hope. And how might they have gone on to shape our world for the better?
On the flip side we find that history is full of stories of people who also came into hard times, but they made a very different set of choices in their lives. Rather than losing hope and giving up, they chose to pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and continue moving with the hope toward achieving their dreams.
None of us are immune from falling into difficult times. That plight is something we all have in common. Another thing we all have in common is the ability to choose how we are going to react to the difficult times when they come. Will we allow them to destroy our hope for the future or will we decide to view them as a learning experience meant to help us as we continue to move forward with hope that the best is yet to come.
A sad reality for those who lose hope and give us is the realization that had they kept going just a little farther the success they desired could have been theirs.

If you’ve ever taken the initiative to start something new – a business, a blog, a book, an organization – perhaps this all sounds familiar to you. Every creative adventure seems to start out similarly. There is a sense of determined optimism that guides you. You work late, you gather ideas constantly, and you invest time, money, and energy into this thing you really care about.
But over time, that “I can do this” voice in your mind becomes harder and harder to hear. It’s not that it ever goes away, but rather, it gets drowned out by other louder voices, ones that ask, “Is this really what I want?” or “Is it too late to get my old job back?” or “ Why am I even doing this?”
And let’s be honest here: it’s at this point that a lot of people choose to give up. They trade in their ambitions for something safer, or more likely, they just gradually slow down their efforts until there is nothing left to develop. And you know what? That’s honestly not the worst thing in the world. There is no shame in modifying your aspirations for the sake of, you know, reality. Actually, that’s pretty healthy.
But if you’re experiencing this sort of doubt right now, then dream with me for a minute: maybe, just maybe, you are meant to be doing exactly what it is you are doing. Maybe you are on the cusp of something fantastic. Maybe if you can just hold on a bit longer, you will start to see some real results from all of your efforts. Maybe.
But who can be sure? The hard truth is that there is no way to know for certain that success or failure is around the corner. It feels more like a leap of faith than an exact science. That being said, if you find yourself questioning whether or not you should quit, then here are a few things you might want to consider before throwing in the towel:

1. You started for a reason

All you can see right now are the plans that aren’t working out or the bills that need to be paid or the schedule that just seems totally unsustainable. But think back to simpler times, allllll the way back to the beginning. What was it that made you start this crazy adventure? Were you in a job you hated? Were you encouraged by friends and family to utilize your talents more? Were you attracted to the reality of this new endeavor or simply the idea of it? For better or for worse, tap into the specific reasons of why you wanted to make a change. If those reasons still apply to you, if you still feel connected to your original purpose, then quitting might not be for you.

2. You are not the only one

Starting your own business or pursuing a creative career is a pretty insane thing to do. Like, I’d say you have to be half-crazy to even attempt it because no matter what, it’s definitely not going to be the safest option. At least not at first. When doubt arises, that’s basically when your sanity starts to kick in. In those moments, you begin finding the idea of building your own path a lot less charming and actually way more terrifying. But these moments of self-doubt are not just reserved for the weak or the untalented. Everyone goes through them. Everyone. You might be tempted to believe that your lack of confidence signals a lack of ability, but that’s just not the case. Every single wildly talented person you have ever admired has been through this. They’ve just been crazy enough to keep going.
Related: Why Freelancing actually has more job security than a 9-5

3. Fear is a liar

There are actually plenty of good reasons to give up – a lack of finances, fading interest, a change of circumstances – but fear just isn’t one of them. That’s because, for the most part, fear lies. Fear paints a picture in your mind that isn’t real. It shows you all of the negatives, none of the positives, as well as a lot of unrealistic eventualities that might never come to be. If fear is your only motivator right now, you might not have the best grasp on your situation, so find a way to reframe your thoughts. For example, when I’m feeling particularly fearful, I like to talk to someone I trust who can help me sort out what’s real and what isn’t.
Related: How to make a big, terrifying decision

4. You might need some help

One of the reasons you may feel like giving up right now is because it’s all starting to become too much. There is so much to do, you aren’t sleeping, and you haven’t seen your friends and family in weeks. If that’s the case, my question for you is this: is anyone helping you right now? Because, by the way, that’s totally allowed. So often we try to handle everything on our own because we assume that’s what we’re supposed to do, but it usually leads to quicker burnout.
If you need someone to help you design your website, enlist a designer. If you need someone to consult you, look into a business coach. Plus, there are plenty of ways to receive help free of charge. Join a local community of creatives, attend a meetup, hop on a Twitter chat – whatever you can do to feel less alone, do it. Perhaps with some support, giving up will seem like a far less attractive option.

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”
William Shakespeare
“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”
Harriet Beecher Stowe
Some days are light and filled with inspiration. Some days are simply routine.
And on some days you may feel like just giving up on…

• Your new habit of working out or eating healthier.
• Your own small business or blog because you haven’t had the results you expected or wanted.
• Truly feeling better about yourself.
• Dating because you can’t seem to find the right person or maybe even have a good date at all.

Winding up in such situations is a normal part of making positive changes in life. But what you do when you feel like giving up will determine a lot about where your life will go.
In today’s article I’d like to share 6 habits that have helped me to hold on or to change direction on those difficult days.

1. Tap into realistic expectations.
This one has been very important to me.
Tap into realistic expectations not by listening to advertising that promises you quick results. Not by listening to the perfectionism – from the people around you or yourself – that allows no mistakes or failures.
Tap into it by listening to the people who have already gone where you want to go. Listen to the people who know what works and how you will stumble and fail along the way and can tell you how long your journey may take.
You’ll probably not get an exact blueprint. But the things people can tell you in person or via books and blogs can be a great guidance.
2. Remind yourself why you are doing this.
It’s easy to lose the big picture in the busy everyday life. But if you feel like giving up then try reconnecting with why you are doing what you are doing.
Maybe it is to:

• Support and keep your family safe.
• Live healthier and longer so you get to watch your kids grow up.
• See the world and explore new things.

Write your answers down.
Then, whenever you feel like giving up pull out that piece of paper with your most powerful why(s). It often helps.
3. Remember: It’s darkest before the dawn.
This thought has helped me to hold on when things have felt very difficult and I felt like giving up and going home. Because I have found it to be true.
When things seemed to be at the lowest point with my blog and business, with my dating life or with my motivation in life in general something always happened.
Probably quite often because being at that low point forced me to change something in how I did things.
But maybe also because life seems to have some kind of balance if I just keep going. If I just keep taking action instead of giving up and doing nothing then something good always happens.
Seeing this repeat itself strengthened my belief in taking action and to keep going even on rough days or weeks. And it brings some comfort even when things look pretty dark.
4. Reconnect with the basics or change the path.
When I have run into a plateau or a longer rough patch these two things have been helpful:

• Simplify and reconnect with the basics. It is easy to become overwhelmed by all the information out there about any change you can make in life. That can lead to confusion and trying to do too many things at once.
  In those situations it has been helpful for me to simplify. To just focus on a few or one of the things I have learned that are the basic fundamentals in this area of life. To improve my social skills those things were for example to keep a positive attitude and to assume rapport.
• Learn more and course-correct. Reconnecting with the basics often works well. But sometimes it has been helpful to change my course slightly instead.
  To examine how I do things, what results they bring in and to compare it to how people who have gone before me have done things. To be honest with myself and admit that maybe one or two things or small parts of that I am doing are not working so well.
  And to replace those things for a while – based on what others have done in the past – and see if that works better. Even if it means that I have to get out of my comfort zone.

5. Tell yourself: Just for today!
Here’s a little phrase I got from Brian Tracy that I often use when I’m having a bad day with a new habit. I say to myself: Just for today I will XX!
Replace XX with what you will do just for today such as getting exercise, getting going with the most important task first thing in the day or eating a healthy lunch.
By telling myself that I only have to do it today I get two big benefits:

• I release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.
• It also reminds me that the period that I am investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades.

And guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll probably have a good day again with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again.
6. See if it is time to quit and to try something else.
Sometimes it is not time to give up. But it may be time to quit what you are doing and to try something else.
If you feel like giving up or you are bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity about a change or your current path then ask yourself these two questions:

• Am doing this because I truly want it?
• Or am I doing it because someone told me to or because so many people around me seem to have done it or are working on it?

What you want isn’t easy to know before you get started though. You may need to try different paths before you find one that fits you. And just because everyone around you seem to love running doesn’t mean that you have to love it or that you have to give up on the habit of regular exercise.
Try walking, biking, playing badminton or table tennis instead. Try a new way of doing what you want and see if it is a better fit and more enjoyable for you.